(Un)Justifiable Cruelty

Like many people of Russian descent, I suffer from the occasional temper.  Today I had a brush with my own dark side.  At work I lost my temper on a biller who had been making mistakes in her billing files.  After I calmed down, I wrote an email apologizing, and then I spoke to the liaison for the biller’s company.  I felt better after speaking to the liaison, who agreed with my concern, but as I hung up the phone I realized just how easy it is to transform into a monster.

Robots Lack Emotions & care not for people's feelings.

The monstrous thing is not that I lost my temper.  While losing my temper is hardly a good thing, the real frightening thing is how we as a society justify being rude, mean, or downright cruel to others.  Yelling at the biller accomplished nothing, and it certainly made her job all the more stressful.  The liaison helped remedy the situation, but in the end left me with a small feeling of vindication.  The problem is, it’s irrelevant whether we’re correct or incorrect; being “right” does not give us Carte Blanche to hurt other peoples’ feelings.

We live in a winning-obsessed culture.  Not only do we love being right and hate being wrong, but we believe that if we are factually correct that means we are in the right.  The internet has always been the playground where our argumentative nature comes out to play.  Facebook, in particular, has dragged out the worst in many of us.  I use Facebook as the example because unlike debating politics on a forum where your opponent is a stranger, on Facebook people debate politics with their friends, family, coworkers, and classmates. 

We get so caught up in proving our message that we forget the subtext and the impact on our relationship with others.  Unfortunately an argument may prove a point while being demeaning to others.  You may “win” an argument while successfully belittling someone you otherwise love and care about.  In this phenomenon our opinions become more important to us than people.  It’s not to say that our ideology lacks merit, or isn’t standing for the right thing, but our presentation of our ideology is harmful and disrespectful to others.

Differences of ideology are nothing new, but when we are not standing face to face with the people we break down with debate we forget their humanity.  We cannot always prevent others from taking offense.  Even words without an intent to harm can still be hurtful, but we must have the wisdom to recognize when we are in the wrong even if our facts or our ideology is correct.  Tone matters, as does the method by which we deliver our message.  We must have the courage to admit when we are in the wrong.  When we feel vindicated at hurting the feelings of someone around us because we were “right” then we become monsters.  We like to believe that evil is found in large actions, but frequently it is the small ways in which we try to justify cruelty that we create evil in the world.  

Revisiting Pascal’s Wager and Changing the Bet

Revisiting Pascal’s Wager and Changing the Bet

I’ve always been a fan of Pascal’s Wager; it is an elegant explanation of the value of faith.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with Pascal’s Wager, it is philosophical argument made by Blaise Pascal (yes, the triangle guy).  To oversimplify the argument, it states that we bet on whether or not God exists.  If we bet that God does not exist, and he does not, we gain nothing; we simply die.  If we bet God exists, and he does not, there is nothing to lose as we meet the same fate (Death).  If we bet that God exists, and he does, there is everything to gain (i.e. eternal salvation and heaven).  If we bet that God does not exist, and he does, then there is everything to lose (i.e. eternal damnation). 

Naturally, Pascal’s Wager is rooted in Christianity, particularly the classic school of Christianity. 

There are a few flaws in this base concept:

1. It does not provide for an outcome in which there is an afterlife and/or deity other than the Christian God.

2. The premise of eternal salvation is solely contingent on a basis of believe vs. do not believe. 

3. The Wager places Heaven as the reward for belief in God.  The Wager presents that without an afterlife, nothing is gained or lost.

It would be impossible to discuss #2 in a blog; that is subject matter worthy of a doctoral thesis. 

I would like to revisit Pascal’s Wager and change the bet, mainly to address flaw # 3 and to (some degree) account for the limitations described in #1.

The simplicity of Pascal’s Wager is elegant, but it ignores another item that is at stake.  There are two certainties: you are living, and you will someday die. There is no factual guarantee of heaven, let alone the afterlife.  What is certain is that you are living a life now. 

Proposed Revision of Pascal’s Wager:

Non-Belief:

1.       If you do not believe in a god/higher power, and a god/higher power does not exist, you will die. 

a.       You will not be able to find intellectual satisfaction in being right – you won’t exist.

b.      You stand to gain a few earthly pleasures as a result of possessing fewer inhibitions if unrestricted by a secular moral code.  The earthly pleasures may have been enjoyable, but may have also brought about worldly repercussions that have nothing to do with a higher power.

2.       If you do not believe in a god, and a higher power does exist, you will die and the afterlife will be contingent on whatever truth exists.

a.       While (contingent on the universal powers) you may not be punished for non-belief, there is no cosmic benefit to non-belief.

b.      There could be that awkward revelation in the afterlife that you were wrong.

c.       There may be repercussions in the afterlife for choices made during life when under the assumption that there is no god.

Belief:

1.       If you believe in a god/higher power, and a god/higher power does not exist, you will die.

a.       You were wrong, but you won’t be conscious to feel the stab at your pride, you won’t exist.

b.      Before dying, your life would have been influenced by your beliefs in a higher power and the afterlife.  Your beliefs may have brought you hope and comfort in time of despair.  Your beliefs would have impacted the choices you made in life.

2.       If you believe in a god/higher power, and a god/higher power does exist, you will die.

a.       Your journey to an afterlife would depend on what afterlives exist, which deity, cosmic rules, etc.  It could still end badly, but if you pleased the higher power that exists, the afterlife may include eternal salvation.  In many belief systems, faith is important to obtaining a favorable afterlife.

b.      You will be right, and you may have the knowledge that you bet correctly.

c.       Your faith would have enriched your life.

The afterlife isn’t the only thing you have to win or lose.  While the afterlife is the uncertainty, what is certain is that you are alive now.  Belief in a higher power is a comforting thing.  A life led in faith is not worthless if there’s no god.  If there is no afterlife, no higher power, when you die you won’t care.  Sure, uninhibited by religion you might eat, drink, and fornicate into a blissful stupor, surrounded by material possessions, but when you die none of those things really matter. 

When we revisit Pascal’s Wager we not only bet against whether or not there is a God.  We make a bet whether or not our spiritual beliefs enrich our lives. 

When we, humanity that is, are staring death in the face our thoughts go to the people we loved.  We ask for our family, our friends, and our lovers to our side in those final moments.  How often do you hear about someone summoning their stock broker to their deathbed?  Most world religions have a lot of rules, but those rules tend to be there to get our priorities straight.

If there is no god and you are unrestricted by a religious code, you will still be bound be earthly repercussions even if there is no afterlife.  If you commit adultery, divorce is still a repercussion, as is contracting an STD.  If you embezzle from your company you could be fired or convicted.  If you use profanity… well you might not get invited to as many dinner parties.  The penalties for immoral behavior are not solely found in an afterlife or dispensed by a higher power. 

If there is no god and you adhere to the moral tenets of your religious beliefs, there are benefits that apply to this mortal existence.  When you help others you are influencing the world around you, bringing about positive changes.  You can take control of your current existence and make the world a better place, if only a little.  While there are some who would take advantage of your kindness, being a loving person will draw true and meaningful friendships to your life.  If your code of morality leaves you feeling accomplished, spiritually nourished, and happy, that is a reward onto itself.   You will have built something beautiful with your fleeting mortal existence.

Since there are ample codes of secular morality, the benefit of honest living isn’t exclusive to persons of faith.  However, faith is a benefit onto itself. 

If you believe in a higher power that belief can bring comfort to you in times of hardship.  Life is hard.  There will be loss, there will be pain, and there will be suffering.  When we are powerless we take consolation in the power of prayer.  The belief in a higher power carries with it the power of hope.  If there is no god, but you believe in god, that belief can guide you through your darkest moment and give you the strength to carry on.  If the belief in a higher power can help you find the strength to put down the bottle when you’re on the verge of falling off the wagon, then that belief is critical in your life.  If the belief in a higher power can provide hope and remove your finger from the trigger at the precipice of suicide, then that belief has saved your life.  Belief is comfort in the moment of unfathomable despair; it is the catalyst to positive change when the personal journey is hard.  What is gained from faith is immeasurable. 

God exists in these moments.  

The Morally Gray of the Bible: Washing Your Hands

We don’t think of the bible as containing many morally gray stories; we like to think of it as a nice little book of right and wrong without mixed messages.  However, the bible digs deeper than black and white morality, and shows the complexity of the human condition with lapses of judgment from otherwise godly men.  It challenges us to reflect on our own lives deeper as we see a reflection of our own faults in the men and women chronicled in the pages.  For myself, it is Pontius Pilate who reflects a fault of my own, the desire to abdicate responsibility and distance myself from strife.  

                Jesus did not die solely because Judas betrayed him, because the Jews turned on him, or because Pilate sentenced him to die.  It was a combination of those factors and to forget the role each did is to ignore a different facet of human fault.  Judas represents conscious and premeditated betrayal.  The Jews represent the danger of a mob mentality; of letting anger and impulsive judgment sway your actions.  Pilate represents something more insidious, he represents inaction, doing the bare minimum. 

                The older I get, the more I see how Pilate struggled with his situation.  When Jesus went before the Sanhedrin they seemed all too happy to find the smallest toehold to sentence Jesus to death.  Pilate is different, and the common theme popping up in the various Gospels is that Pilot acknowledges Jesus is innocent and should not be put to death.  While the matter is fairly quick in the Gospel according to Mark, in the other three Gospels there is a recurring theme that Pilate is trying to give Jesus an opportunity to live.  The Gospel of Matthew refers to a dream Pilate’s wife had, and the Gospel of John includes some philosophical back and forth between Jesus and Pilate.  Pilate even tries to have Jesus freed in accordance to the tradition of freeing one prisoner, but the crowd insists on freeing Barabbas and crucifying Jesus.  

                So is Pilate really a bad guy?  The bible does not go into detail regarding what happened to Pilate, other than Luke 23:12 noting that Pilate and Herod became BFFs.  On one hand Pilate did not stand firm against the crowd and remain adamant about the fact an innocent man shouldn’t be put to death.  Keep in mind that a man of Pilate’s station would have enjoyed a life of comfort in exchange for taking on responsibility over his territory.  On the other hand, Pilate may have concluded that the angry mob would have just killed Jesus anyway and he simply didn’t want to be torn limb from limb in the process.  Pilate was a political figure, a Roman, and not a religious figure or a Jew.  Maintaining the peace was an essential duty of his position.  Perhaps Pilate’s fault is not in whether he allowed Christ to be put to death, but rather in the gesture of washing his hands, in abdicating any responsibility.  

                If you’re like me, and you have been dubbed the “responsible one” in your family, you can probably relate to the desire to stop being the responsible one.  Being the responsible one (pardon the language) sucks.  For their duty, reliability, and integrity, the “responsible one” is rewarded with exciting prospects such as – more chores, more responsibility, and, everyone’s favorite, guilt trips. In time, all you want is to be relieved of the burden of picking up after everyone’s proverbial and literal messes.  The “responsible one” cares about the fate of those around them, and unfortunately one of the few defenses the” responsible one” has is learning to distance his or her self emotionally from the baggage other people bring to the table.

                On one hand it isn’t healthy to live your life feeling responsible for the actions and feelings of others; no one should live with that burden.  Others must ultimately learn to make the right choices, and make amends for their own errors.  You don’t want to become an enabler by shielding friends and family from the repercussions of their actions.  Yet, we must be cautious about distancing ourselves from others and washing our hands of them.  Not only should we avoid turning our back on others, but as we distance our hearts we run the risk of becoming dispassionate and numb.

                A long time ago I was a very passionate person.  I thought very strongly on issues, argued fiercely for my beliefs, and lived a life in a rollercoaster of emotion.  With strong feelings came all the deeper hurts for friendships faded to obscurity, loved ones passing away, and romances gone asunder.  Like scar tissue on the skin, the metaphorical heart has its own scar tissue.  Over years I developed an emotional distance, and soon the feelings of love and pain were dulled into faint sensations I hardly noticed anymore.  

Then one day it occurred to me, that while I was a stronger person than I was before, it was all the harder for me to experience joy or happiness. I realized how many friendships I had allowed to wither and fade away.  The apathy which had once protected me had become a very real problem in my life.  It has been my own personal mission to work on achieving a healthy balance, to break down the walls without taking on other people’s burdens as my own.  It is a long and difficult road ahead.  

                The angry mob and Pontius Pilate represent two very different kinds of fault.  The mob which cried out for the execution of Jesus represents snap judgment run rampant, not tempered by reason or compassion.  Pilate represents distance and abdication of responsibility.  Pilate is aware of the wrong in putting Christ to death, and vocalizes his concerns.  While a certain degree of emotional distance is healthy and necessary, when we “wash our hands” of someone we run the risk of emotional detachment. 

                As much as we would like to wash our hands of other people’s problems, we cannot hold the world at arm’s length.  Apathy is as much a roadblock to spiritual development as hatred.  It is easy to notice the destructive path of anger, but difficult to recognize the presence of apathy.  Like Pilate each of us “washes our hands” of people and situations in our lives.  However, when we turn our back on the world eventually we turn our back on our own hearts.   

Pleasing Others

People Pleasers

“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”  Bill Cosby

“In trying to please all, he had pleased none.” Aesop 

“We played the flute for you, but you did not dance. We sang a dirge but you did not weep” Luke 8:32

                Sometimes you just can’t win.  If you have ever worked in any type of customer service job, you know this truth all too well.  If you’ve ever had friends on both sides of the political spectrum, you have probably walked the delicate line in social media of posting materials that will neither cause an outrage with conservative friends or with liberal friends.  Perhaps that’s why we see so many pictures of adorable cats, it’s impossible for us to talk about the complicated issues without spiraling into discord, but we can all laugh at Mr. Whiskers doing something silly… well except for that one person who hates cats (you just can’t win). 

Adorable animal photo, because we all love animal photos.

                I really love the quote from Luke, it was the gospel reading at service this week, and it is applicable to everyday life.  Jesus points out the hypocrisy he is encountering: when John the Baptist deprives himself the people believe him to be possessed by a demon, but when Jesus comes and breaks bread, showing appreciation for life, people believe him to be a glutton.  Sometimes we try too hard to please everyone, and we fail miserably.  Often times we are so focused on doing the popular thing, the thing that people want; we fail to do what people need.  Worst of all it is easy to lose sight of who we are when we devote too much of our focus on the opinions of others.  

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” Lao Tzu 

                Focus not on what is favorable or popular, instead, focus on who you are and sharing your God-given gifts.  It’s hard not to strive to please others; we humans are social by nature.  The difference between pleasing others and helping others is immense.  We can’t always please everyone; if you try you just can’t win.  When you live your life according to God’s will and remain true to who you are that is when you will gain something deeper than approval, you will gain the love and respect of those who see the beauty God has created in you. 

Right Versus Easy

“We must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy.”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Movie Adaption) – Dumbledore

                One of the great misconceptions of our time is that we attribute morality to religion and neglect to review secular morality.  While a wealth of moral philosophy and teaching is found in the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, and other religious texts, we also pass down morality through old episodes of Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, Dr. Seuss books, numerous comic books, and, yes, even the Harry Potter franchise.  Today I wanted to focus on this particular quote, while Luke 9:23 also discusses this concept, I believe the quote from Harry Potter puts it in easily understood terms that even Non-Christians can relate to.

                Radical religious groups tend to view people as inherently evil and that people sin because of the glamor of it. This reminds me of watching the Captain Planet t.v. show as a child.  The polluters on the show seemed to enjoy polluting for the sake of polluting, not because it was easier than recycling or saved their company money.  There are the great evils, the men and women you see on the evening news who commit atrocities without regard for human life, but that does not account for the vast majority of wrongs in this world.  We view sin and wrongdoing as attributes of a person: greedy, lustful, and/or violent, but how many times when we do the wrong thing it is simply because it makes life easier in the short-run?

                Sometimes doing the right thing is easy, those moments are gifts and we should be glad when the choices and the actions are natural, easy.  Unfortunately, there are many times when doing the right thing isn’t easy.  Helping a person in need is a prime example- it sounds like a no-brainer.  What if you’re running late and stopping to help someone could mean missing an important obligation?  Imagine you witness someone doing something wrong in your place of employment.  What if standing up against the wrong thing will cost you your job?  What if your friend or family member becomes a bully, will you be ready to risk your relationship with that person to stand up against bullying?

In this economy risking your job for the right thing is never an easy choice

                There are no easy answers to these questions, only a call to examine why we fail to do the right thing at times.  Often right and wrong are not black and white, but when they are, people fail to do the right thing because the wrong path is more convenient.  Nurses don’t choose their profession because the hours are short and the working conditions cushy- they work long hours and endure stress because they are called to help others.  People don’t recycle because it’s easier than throwing everything into one garbage bag – they do it because they want to reduce their impact on the environment.  

                Morality is pervasive in our cultural teachings, but it lags behind in practice.  It is not because we are inherently evil, Godless creatures; it is because we are a culture of convenience, of quick resolutions and instant gratification.  We tend to rationalize the times we make the wrong choices.  So what do we do? We do our best, and we do what is in our capacity to make this world a better place.  We do the hard work and we show courage in times of adversity.  We humans are imperfect creatures, but that does not mean that we lack the ability and the resolve to make this world better, to stand for the right thing.  

The right thing isn't always easy, but there will always be those who face the challenges, the hard work, and the repercussions of standing up for what is right.  

The Not-So Prodigal Son

Even if you’re not a Christian, the parable of the Prodigal son is one you have probably heard.  The story is often used as an example of God’s forgiveness, alluding to our own return from sin.  It’s beautiful, right?  But let’s stop a moment and review the fact that there were two sons in the story.  The younger son, seeing his father as the first bank of dad, takes his inheritance, blows it on the biblical equivalent of strip clubs and keggers, and then comes crawling back to his father once the cash has run dry.  Meanwhile, the not-so-prodigal son is working hard and keeping out of trouble.  Dear readers, if you’re like me surely you’ve stopped at some point and realized… the older brother got hosed.

Where was his fatted calf?  Where was his party and warm welcome after a tiring round of debauchery?  The other brother calls his father out on the double standard, to which the father replies that his son has returned from the dead.  Gee thanks, that helps a whole lot Dad.  If you have a sibling at some point you have probably related to one or both of the brothers. For anyone who has dedicated their life to abiding God’s will on the Earth and done his or her best to be as clean-living as possible, this particular parable can feel a little bit like a slap in the face.

I have mulled over this particular parable for years.  I believe to truly benefit from any religious text you have to be challenged by it from time to time.  Spirituality isn’t about blind devotion and pretty words that make us feel good, it’s about being challenged to really examine your life, your beliefs, and be constantly compelled to improve.  After years of ruminating over this particular parable I have come to a new revelation about the non-prodigal son.  What we don’t always stop and see are the benefits bestowed upon the brother who didn’t run away.  

“My son, you are here with me always; everything I have is yours.” Luke 15:31

The younger brother gives in to the temptation of earthly desires.  We’re not sure everything he must have done in his time away, but had rap existed in the time of Jesus, there probably would have been a song about chilling in the club with the younger brother.  While the son is finally compelled to come home due to poverty after squandering his inheritance, there were a lot of empty nights and pursuits of fleeting sources of happiness.  

The older brother has spent the same time with his family, doing an honest day’s work, and having a place to call home.  His life isn’t very glamorous or exciting, but he is continuously surrounded by love and security.  He has spent the entire time being able to enjoy his father’s company and be with people who truly care about him.  If you measure the story of the prodigal son by material goods the younger brother seems to get the better deal, but if you measure the story by the things that matter most, the older brother was always ahead.

Humanity’s relationship with earthly goods is a point of reflection in Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism, Baha’i, and other religions and philosophies throughout the ages.  It is a basic human truth that we are tempted by things such as wealth and material comfort.  It is also a basic human truth that we all find our truest happiness in loving and meaningful relationships.  The one thing the two brothers in the parable share is that neither one has truly grasped the value of their relationship with their father.  The younger brother values his inheritance and the comfort it can buy and consequently is brought to ruin and despair until he resolves to return home.  The older brother is envious of his brother’s feast, neglecting to see that all this time he has been in the company of a loving father, never wanting for anything.  

It’s easy to take for granted those who love us when we have never experienced being away from them.  Their presence is constant, and we fail to see what a blessing it is.  Likewise, it’s easy for us to take for granted God’s love.  If you’re a lifelong Christian and have never gone through a major lapse in your faith, you take for granted having the faith in a loving and merciful god.  We need not be rewarded for our faith, our faith is our reward.